im not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand.

Happy New Year everyone. Which is no one because this blog is mostly unread. So right at this moment I am listening to Who Killed Amanda Palmer. Holy shit. this album never seems to get old or boring. It has this level of awesomeness that keeps hitting me over and over again. I'm listening to her on these awesome headphones. It feels like she is sitting in the same room and whacking the shit of a piano and sounding amazing. This is what I have to say about Amanda Palmer. (this is from my other blog, but I'm going to put it up on this one too). What I love about Amanda is she makes sure to show the world she is human. I read her blogs. I watch the videos she puts up. She just wants to be human. She lets her fans be a huge part of her life. It makes me and I'm sure many people feel extremely connected with her even if they have only see her on stage or listened to her music. I respect this so much. I mean we can all think of musicians or authors or whom ever where they almost don't seem real because the are so 2-D to the fans. Amanda is not like this. She is in love with the fans just as much as they are in with her. I also think this open mentality rubs off onto her fans. I went to the concert in Philly in November. I was just chatting with people while freezing outside in the cold. Everyone had their arms around each other during Global Warming by Vermilion Lies. Then Amanda talks to the crowd, answers their questions, sings without a mic, and stays after the concert and signs and hugs and kisses until there is no one left waiting. Then the Danger Ensemble though very surreal they come in amongst the crowd, perform in the middle of the floor, and take money in boots. Everything is just so real, so beautiful, and so human. So Amanda feel our love because we feel yours.

So on other notes. I have been thinking about writing. My writing. Its just something that is so much part of me. Like I don't really think too hard when I write. It all just flows off my fingers. Its like these characters are out there and i'm the only way they are ever going to get their stories out there. Stories that have to be told. Its not like I'm a whack job. I know they aren't real. Its just they are so real to me that sometimes I have to sit back and look. Thinking I made up this people. They came from my head. Dear god. I'm messed up sometimes. Here's a small section of the book I'm working on.

"I walked over to the window. I could see the dim light from her house. I could see her in her room, paper towel in one hand and Windex in the other. Her forehead was pressed against the glass and her eyes were closed, again. Her breath was fogging the glass a little more each time she exhaled. The paper towel slipped from her fingers, her palm found the cool glass. She moved so her cheek was pressed against the glass. The bottle of Windex disappeared and that palm found the glass. Her body rose and fell with each breath. It was like she wanted the glass to give way to her weight."

I don't understand myself sometimes. Why do I make these characters? I never make a normal person. Maybe because there is no normal. I really think that everyone is very different on the inside. I also have this sympathy for all people. I think everyone has a side that they keep inside because its just something that shouldn't be let out. Maybe its something that shouldn't be let out. Maybe it should. We don't know because its in your head. It is your inner thoughts. I am in love with the way people think. Its not like I figure out the way a person thinks and I try to change them to a way that will healthy for them. I just want to know how they think. If they don't like that they can take steps to change. Or they could just be like I like me the way I am. Then I would just back off.

So some more rambling. I'm very shy and hard to talk to the first time. Most would place me as an introvert. Phyiscally I am an introvert. In my mind I am more leaning to the extrovert. Like I find other people feed my engery. if that makes any sense. When I'm in a crowd. I watch people and feel their energy. Then I retreat into my thoughts. So maybe I'm both. Maybe the classifications don't even matter.